9 Ways To Manage Perfectionism

​If I told you Steve Jobs, Michael Jackson, Eminem, James Cameron, Beyonce and John Lennon all have something in common, what would you think it was? Money? Fame? Groupies? Probably, but what I’m talking about is perfectionism!!
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The point, being a perfectionist isn’t a bad thing, they have some great qualities. But when these qualities aren’t managed correctly they have the power to destroy our happiness and success. So while you can’t, and shouldn’t, stop perfectionism, you can learn to manage it!

​Here are 9 ways to get started.

Having expectations isn’t a bad thing, but if they’re not managed correctly they can be a huge contributor to stress, disappointment and unhappiness.​

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Try these to help manage your expectations:
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• Set S.M.A.R.T goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely goals can help make your ambitions achievable.

• Look at the big picture:
  • What’s the worst thing that could happen? And how likely is it to happen?
  • Are my thoughts just assumptions I’m making?
  • Am I jumping to negative conclusions?
  • Will this matter five years from now?

• Get a second opinion: ask someone you trust what they might do in your situation as a way to test whether your expectations are too high or unrealistic.

When we like ourselves for who we are, “imperfections” and all, we’re more likely to build our strengths and be happy. And less likely to hold others under a microscope.

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​​Here’s some ways to build self-acceptance:
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• Forgive yourself: because things won’t always go your way. Think of times you’ve struggled to forgive yourself. As you think about them, say aloud, “I’m not perfect, I forgive myself”. Doing this commits an act of forgiveness.

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• Celebrate your strengths and accomplishments: keep a diary of both and add to it daily…you’ll find you have more to be grateful for than you realise.

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• Silence your inner critic: your inner voice can disguise itself as your voice of reason. Next time, it’s talking to you, write down what it’s saying and repeat them aloud. As you do, you’ll see how it tends to favour your weaknesses and how unreasonable that is!

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• Use positive realistic statements: “I can only do my best”, “No one’s perfect”, “Failing doesn’t make me a failure, everybody fails”, “It’s okay if I’m not liked by everyone, I don’t have to be. What’s most important is that I like myself”

Pursuing anything worthwhile requires risk taking. And because risks have the potential for failure and rejection, people (especially perfectionists) tend to avoid them. But these challenges have the potential to help us build the necessary skills to succeed, like resilience.

​Here are some ways to get you started:

• Think less: risks are often scary because we overthink the worst possibilities.​

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• Step out of your comfort zone: Set yourself a goal to step out of your comfort zone at least once a week.

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• Make it a habit: the more risk taking becomes a habit, the less you’ll fear it. Start with small risks, then build on them.

​Taking action and failing is always better than not acting at all. Because, even when you do fail, there’s always something to learn from it. Your failures are gifts…you just have to be brave enough to unwrap them.

Here are some tips to help you re-think failure:

• Write down 3 positives that came from failing. And get creative, there’s always a silver lining:
  • Did you learn something?
  • Did it help you see something from a different angle?
  • Did you gain new knowledge or a new skill?

• Next time you’re struggling to start or finish something, recite these for motivation:
  • “Failing doesn’t make me a failure, giving up does”
  • “If I fail I’m one step closer to finding what does work”
  • “I can only control my effort and how I respond, I can’t control the outcome”

​Although asking for and accepting help may feel like you’re admitting defeat – it’s not! It doesn’t make you weak or incapable, it makes you human. It can also save you a lot of unnecessary stress and wasted time. And you may even learn new ways of doing things!

Give these a try:

• Accept help: when you’re offered help, take it! Even if you don’t think you need it. You need to learn how to accept help before you can ask for it!

• Ask for help: at least once every couple of days – it’ll get easier the more you do it, I promise!

While criticism can feel like a personal attack it can force us to take notice of things that might need to change. Instead of trying to avoid it, learn how to receive it.

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• Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind to receive criticism: Take a few deep breaths, everything feels like a personal attack when you’re worked up.

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• Think about what was said to you and why: if there’s something that can be learned from it, then it’s a gift not an attack.

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• Communicate your grievances respectfully: it’s okay if you’re upset. But give yourself some time before responding.

​Wanting other people to like/approve of us can often be the driving force behind the choices we make. But this creates unnecessary stress and means we’re always pretending to be somebody we’re not.

Try these to get you started:

• Replace unhelpful thoughts: When you start having thoughts like “they think I’m no good”, replace them with positive ones instead i.e. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me”​

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• Stop pretending, just be yourself: If you want everyone to like you you’re going to be disappointed. Learn to accept that some people will like you and some won’t…let’s face it, you won’t like everyone you meet either!

Not being able to compromise is detrimental for two reasons. One; you block the potential for being more productive. And two; you put strain on relationships, personal and professional.

Before trying these suggestions remember compromising won’t always be 50/50, it’s about finding what works best for everyone:

• Try to see from “their” point of view: Seeing from someone else’s perspective helps you to be more accommodating.

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• Try other ideas before rejecting them: This helps to build relationships, but also you may find a better way of doing something.

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• Consider if what you’re asking is reasonable: How would you feel if the same was asked of you? ​

The desire to be better than everybody else only encourages unrealistic and unachievable expectations. Because from the outside other peoples lives appear perfect…but they never are. When you compare yourself you’re potentially comparing your worst to someone else’s best!!

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Recite affirmations to prevent comparing yourself:
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• “I don’t have to be better than anyone else”
• “Being better than others doesn’t prove my worth”​

Like any change, taming the destructive traits of perfectionism takes time, self-examination and trust. Remember you’re trying to make a positive change in your life, not find a quick fix. So don’t beat yourself up when you hit a road block. Be patient, but also persistent, and know that the only person stopping you from changing is you.