Building Mental toughness

​The difference between happiness and success or misery and failure are the choices we make in life. And these choices are a direct result of our mental toughness. Problem is, we’re not all mentally tough enough! So what are the characteristics of mental toughness and how do you build on them?

Before we start let’s clarify a couple of things: what is mental toughness and why do you need it? The text book definition of mental toughness is “a self-controlled state of mind that helps us cope with difficult situations”. Put simply, while a mentally weak person may give up when faced with life’s struggles, a mentally strong one possess’ the resilience to take risks, learns from failures and has the self-confidence to keep trying.

Legendary NFL coach Vince Lombardi described mental toughness as “crucial to success”. I’d go one further, and say it’s crucial to happiness as well. Why? Because no one can avoid difficult situations throughout their life. We do however, have control over how we deal with them.
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Mental toughness isn’t about having just one of these characteristics, it’s about having the right balance between all of them. Just like ingredients in a recipe, you need the right amounts added at the right time, to get a great result.

I hear you thinking isn’t mental toughness just resilience? No, it’s not. Resilience contributes to mental toughness. But it takes more than resilience to be mentally tough.

What often separates success from failure is the ability to keep trying. Our difficulties and failures can have a destructive effect on our pride and confidence…if we let it.

This is where resilience comes in. Remember resilience is a skill, and how would you develop any worthwhile skill? You train it. And the best way to train/strengthen your resilience is to make resilient choices.
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For example, did you know that J.K. Rowling was rejected by a dozen publishers when she first showed them Harry Potter? Or that Michael Jordan didn’t make his own high school basketball team? And that Walt Disney got fired from his first job for “not being creative enough”?
Other than the fact that they all have multi-billion dollar franchises now, notice the common theme? Without making the resilient choice not to give up, we’d never know who they were.

​Re-read the quote above and really think about it. Don’t make a resilient choice and suddenly expect to be resilient. Resilience takes time to develop. But, with every resilient choice you make you become a more resilient person.

If you could capture the “essence” of failure in a bottle it’d be more valuable than gold. Although unpleasant, failure’s nothing to fear. Some of our most valuable lessons come from taking risks that don’t always pay off.

The worst part about failing is usually the damage it does to our pride. So make it okay to fail and remind yourself that failure is part of succeeding and building resilience.

You can start by challenging yourself more. Experiment with the ideas that you have and if you fail…that’s ok! It’ll give you more to learn from.
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Just remember not to dwell on your failures. Once you’ve learnt all you can from it, let it go…torturing yourself won’t help you either.

Have you noticed one thing about successful people? They ooze confidence! Confidence in yourself helps strengthen the belief that you have the ability to accomplish anything, as long as you try.

Often what separates those who succeed, from those who don’t, is the attempt. A mentally weak person lacks the belief that they “can”. But a confident person will back themselves to try, no matter the odds. If you try and succeed…great!! If you try and fail that’s okay too, you’ll learn a valuable lesson, and your resilience will pick you up and you’ll try again.

Like all characteristics of mental toughness, confidence takes time to build. Need a confidence boost? Give these a go:
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• Make a list of all your achievements, no matter how small: sometimes we forget just how far we’ve come. So prove to yourself that you’re more capable than you give yourself credit.
• Use affirmations: e.g. I’m intelligent, I’m strong, etc. For best results; say them with conviction, say them out loud, in front of a mirror and with your most confident voice. You may feel silly in the beginning, but in time you’ll start believing what you say.
• Think positive:  It’s difficult to be confident if you have negative thoughts circling around your head. When you find yourself thinking negatively overwrite it with a positive thought.  This can be challenging if you’re used to thinking negatively, so be persistent but also patient, it will take time. Every time you overwrite a negative thought with a positive one you’re strengthening a positive mindset.

I’ll leave you with this; like a muscle your mental strength gets stronger with use or weaker with neglect. The little victories you accumulate add to your mental toughness.

So accept that you never stop growing, and so your mental strength never stops increasing.
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To help yourself become stronger repeat the Emile Coue affirmation at the beginning and end of every day. And say it with conviction! Really believe what you’re saying, otherwise you might as well be speaking another language.

​​Those who acknowledge that they’re never done learning and growing are those whose mental toughness is most powerful.

Key takeaways
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• Mental toughness isn’t something we’re born with, it’s something we develop…and it’s crucial to happiness and success.
• The more resilient choices you make, the more resilient you become.
• Your struggles are an opportunity to grow stronger, seize the opportunity.
• If you’re confident you’ll always attempt. And the attempt is often the difference between success and failure.
• Be persistent: Like a muscle your mental toughness gets stronger with use, or through neglect weaker.